This second go-round of surgery/recuperation is finally finally coming to an end and it’s been a long time coming.  4 weeks in a sling and almost 22 weeks of therapy later my body is almost back to normal.  The range of motion is almost there and the strength is still improving.  I’m even back to resuming normal activities like riding.  My dedication to therapy this time has definitely paid off, the shoulder feels way better than last time.

I’ll be a little sad to visit the therapy office for the last time tomorrow since it’s been part of my routine for so long.  On the other hand I’m glad that it’s finally over and I can move on.  I’m finally normal (well as normal as can be).  It’s time to kick the activity into high gear.  There’s nothing stopping me anymore.  No excuses.  Bring it on.

I came home from work around 7 today, plopped down to have dinner, and just felt completely drained.  My mind and body were so tired I could barely eat dinner even though I felt normal during the day.  Can’t wait for things to return to some sense of normalcy. I need it bad.

Be strong Eric, be strong.

That’s what I was telling myself yesterday morning as I waited outside of the funeral home.  The service was supposed to start at 9:30 but we got there over an hour early to setup.  With nothing specific to do since we were the only ones there I stood outside in the warm morning sun and thought about what was to come.  I knew I was going to cry during the slideshow and probably my sister’s eulogy but I wanted to try and be out of control.  Mom said the service was organized to celebrate A-ma’s life not death.

With over a 100 people the room was packed, I knew a lot of people were going to be coming but wasn’t expecting this many.  The service lasted over an hour and a half, with two choirs singing songs, the slideshow, several eulogies, and the pastor doing prayers and such. All in all it was a really nice service and a wonderful feeling to hear all the nice things people had to say.  The family got up in the front to receive condolences from the attendees and it was like a never-ending line; we were all in awe at how many people were there.  I should be so lucky to have this many people come and celebrate my life like this.

In the end I bawled my eyes out but managed to feel more happy than sad.  A-ma lived a long and happy life, bringing joy to all those around her. She loved unconditionally and always made me feel good everytime I saw her.  I’m sad that I won’t be able to see her peeking through the window of my aunt’s house as I walk up to the front door anymore but she’ll always be with me.  A-ma zaijian, A-ma zaijian.

All it took was an expiring rebate to push me over the edge and get a new car.  Went to the dealership yesterday to haggle over the price and was only met with some resistance.  In the end I paid a little more than I would have liked to but still paid something fair.  Smooth sailing in signing all the forms but when it came time to actually take delivery on the car it took over 2 hours for them to get it out of the lot and detail it.  Sitting in the waiting room of a car dealership is super boring, super boring.  The wait was worth it though as I feasted my eyes on my new Mazdaspeed 3.  This little car is pretty sweet; lots of power, big wheels, plenty of room.  I can’t wait until the break in period is over so I can really see how it performs.

Being a new car I’m totally babying it by parking only in spots that have generous side clearance or in spots that are far away from any car.  I’m actually kinda scared to drive it for fear of it getting dinged by someone.  All I can think about is where do I park it so no one can touch it?  Was I this over protective with the ‘lude?  Hmm, I don’t think so, and that was more of a “sports” car.  Ahh well, let’s just see how long this “new car” feeling lasts.

In lieu of thinking about A-ma I’ve been keeping myself distracted this week by looking at buying a new car, which basically means looking at how to get rid of the old car without getting horribly ripped off.  Do I trade it into the dealer or do I privately sell it? Or better yet, do I just keep the car? In either of the scenarios I’ve been spending a lot of time and work prepping the old car for some kind of transaction.  Wash it, vacuum the inside, wipe down the inside, wax the car, try and fix the tiny scratches and swirl marks.  Crap never ends.

I still haven’t really decided on the best course of action yet; the whole time I’m asking myself whether it’d be wrong to buy a new car right this second.

Every time I dropped by my aunt’s house to visit my A-ma (grandmother) would greet me with a big grin and hello, only her hello would be a mix of Taiwanese, Mandarin, and English.  She always seemed happy to see me, wanted to touch me and hold my hand, what all grandmothers do when they see their grandkids.  Even though I couldn’t speak a lick of Taiwanese and she couldn’t speak English we’d talk in short phrases of Mandarin, the middle ground.  How are you A-ma? I’m good I’m good. Mostly though we’d just sit there enjoying each other’s company.  I loved to just watch her observing those around her, wondering what she was thinking about, seeing her smile her big smile.  There was no diminishment in her happiness and love.

It’s sad for me to say that I won’t be able to go visit A-ma now, she’s moved onto a better place.  I was in shock at the hospital on Friday when it happened and I think I still am.  The past couple days have been a haze, I don’t even know if I should be doing something or nothing.  What do you do when something like this happens so suddenly?  I’m not ready to say goodbye.

I packed up my stuff, said my goodbyes, and moved to Australia.  There was something about being on a bike and trying to catch up with someone.  How did these two things get juxtaposed together in my dream? A dream that felt pretty real. And what was up with Australia?  It seems like an awesome place to visit but to move there? I must really have wanted to get as far away as possible.  Maybe I do want to get as far away as possible.

But wow, it felt so real.

Marked my return to Bay to Breakers yesterday after a 4 year haitus; the last time I ran it was back in 2005, a lifetime ago.  I missed out 2006 because I was in Europe and sat out the last two years since I couldn’t find anyone to run it with me.  But 4 days after I had surgery my friends asked if I wanted to do it.  Hmm, would I be recovered enough from surgery to run 12K?  I guess at worst I could just drink beer and walk it.  So we all signed up thinking it’d be one of those things to train for and motivate us.  Around the middle of March, two months into therapy, I started to run more regularly and train for it.  Always topped out around 45 minutes and 4.5 miles.  Never pushed beyond that but I figure what’s another 3 miles right?

Then two weeks before the race my friends bailed.  Looks like a solo one after all.  Just another one of those things to do by oneself.  And of course to add to the long distance that I wasn’t used to running was the super hot temps, reaching the low to mid 90s!  I was picturing climbing Page Mill on the bike all over again. An hour of super exertion followed by a feeling of passing out from the heat.

The race ended up being pretty good. I forced myself to run the entire way (Hayes St. Hill was a super bitch this time) and ended up finishing in 1:25:29 and 7526th overall.  Not bad for not running 12K in 4 years.  I was completely bonked at the end though, no energy whatsoever.  Walking towards Footstock was a struggle in my haze of soreness and hunger.  It felt real good to finish though.  Pushing my body as far as it can go and then some.  When’s the next pain appointment?

Some observations about the race:

1. The whole corral thing and fencing off entrances was lame. I had to walk an extra 4 blocks just to get into the start area.
2. Running in hot weather really sucks. Sucks so bad I ran towards shade.
3. No idea how people in full on body suits lasted the morning. I probably would have passed out in a half hour.
4. At mile 4 I thought “Hey only 3 more miles to go, no sweat.” Longest 3 miles of my life. Ever.
5. All the volunteers seemed to be high school-aged Asian chicks.  What’s up with that?
6. The timing tag thing was really cool.  Guys on the Muni ride back downtown were already looking up their times.

I’ll be there next year for sure, maybe I’ll even run faster.  Hopefully I’ll get to run with people again.

I went for a run yesterday morning and only realized on my way back that there was something on my front stoop; something in a red plastic bag.  Hmm what could it be?  I did get an email earlier in the day from her about a package.  Turns out she left the drawing I preferred on my front door.

What do I make of it? I dunno, putting it up now would probably just make me think of her every time I see it.  But then not putting it up would seem like a waste.  What do I do?  What would be the lesser evil decision?